I Hope I Shall Arrive Soon by Phillip K. Dick

In the story, a man (Victor Kemmings) regains consciousness during a failed attempt at cryosleep on board a spaceship. The ship's artificial intelligence cannot repair the malfunction and cannot wake him, so Kemmings is doomed to remain conscious but paralyzed through the ship's entire ten-year-long journey. To maintain his sanity, the A.I. replays Kemmings's memories to him. But when this goes awry, the ship's A.I. asks Kemmings what he wants most -- and the answer is that Kemming wants the trip to be over and to arrive at his new home. The A.I. constructs such a scenario for Kemming and plays it to him over and over for the next ten years. When the ship finally arrives at its destination, Kemming cannot accept reality and believes his arrival to be yet another construction.

Like most of Philip K. Dick's work, I Hope I Shall Arrive Soon involves a questioning of what it is to be human and of what reality is. The story also has a theme of guilt, as the memories of the passenger are spoiled by the guilt he retains about his past actions.

Format: ebook
Narrator: n/a
Performance: n/a
Story: 🌑🌑🌑🌑

I have had some conversations regarding AI but I never had any conversations about what it's like to be trap in your own head. 

Due to personal circumstances, Kemmings being trapped in his own head is something I'm familiar with and while not a pleasant experience to read about, held a kind of a morbid fascination for me. While I grapple with my own darkest fears, Kemmings had to deal with his own guilt. I don't know what kind of upbringing he had, something conservative or religious perhaps, or what kind of personality he has, paranoid or neurotic perhaps as the ship concluded, but the killing of small animals weighed on him heavily. This was something that was buried deep down his consciousness but resurfaced after the ship tried to give him some pleasant memories to keep him occupied. I wanted to shake Kemmings and tell him dude, get over it! I know, these childhood experiences are almost impossible to shake off. And I also know how irritating it is to be told "get over it".

Like me, Kemmings was not a likable character. I don't think he was meant to be likable. At first, he was quite determine to make the best out of his situation but his memories kept becoming tainted by his past. The ship finally hit upon the solution of making him think he arrived at the new planet already, and this is where it becomes harder and harder to say what is real and what is not. At last they arrived but Kemmings still had not comes to terms with reality. I, myself was in a bit of a muddle. I had a slow time processing that this part is really happening and had to backtrack just to be sure.  

I would loathed a deja vu of my previous situation. I spent a couple of years having palpitations every time I encounter triggers. Luckily, my family's got my back. Let's hope Martine got Kemming's.

SOUNDTRACK

Regret
Everything Everything
Get To Heaven

Regret! Regret!
Regret! Regret!

First you'll see me on the news then never again
Regret! Regret!
I'm rolling in my grave
Regret! Regret!
Feeling like a grenade
Regret! Regret!
Maybe you're the coldest
Regret! Regret!
If you never felt it
Regret! Regret!
Maybe you're the luckiest
Regret! Regret!
If you never did it
Regret! Regret!

But did you imagine it
In a different way?
Did you imagine it
(But did you imagine it)
In a different way?

Did you ever watch your life slide out of your hands?
Regret! Regret!
You wish it never had
Regret! Regret!
But all of that's in the past
Regret! Regret!
Maybe I'm a human?
Regret! Regret!
Trying to click undo, man
Regret! Regret!
Or maybe an automaton
Regret! Regret!
Oh how'd it all go so wrong
Regret! Regret!

But did you imagine it
In a different way?
Did you imagine it
(But did you imagine it)
In a different way?
Did you think that everything
Everything would change?
Did you imagine it
In a different way?

Regret! Regret!
Hahahahaha
Regret! Regret!
Maybe you're the luckiest
Regret! Regret!
If you never felt it
Regret! Regret!

But did you imagine it
In a different way?
Did you imagine it
(But did you imagine it)
In a different way?
Did you think that everything
Everything would change?
Did you imagine it
In a different way?

Regret! Regret!

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